How to Stop Questioning ‘Am I Enough?'
"Am I enough?"
This is one of the frequent things that come up when talking to coaching clients about what they worry about. ‘Am I enough?’
But what is ‘enough’?
There are hundreds of motivational posts across social media saying things like, ‘You are enough’, ‘You are MORE than enough’, ‘you are a thousand times enough’.
Enough what?
When we talk about food, we say, ‘is that enough, have you had enough’ and it’s about having the right amount to satisfy our hunger.
When we talk about money being ‘enough’, we might consider if the pay we get will cover our costs and the things we want to buy.
But when we talk about ourselves being ‘enough’ what does it actually mean?
And how would you know for certain that ‘I am enough’?
I think, in most cases, it means ‘do I successfully meet the expectations, needs and demands in my life’? And lots of the time, those are external expectations.
Expectations of work and job, expectations of partners and relationships, needs and demands of family and friends, expectations of society to look or act or behave a certain way. By the way, I’ve been told I was ‘too much’ but that’s another story!
The issue there is that external expectations, needs, demands are not within your control and they are changeable. They may also be unreasonable or unrealistic. They may be counter to what you want or serves YOU well.
Which means that being ‘enough’ turns into a never-ending, energy-sapping exercise. You are never ‘enough’. It’s an unachievable goal. And you never feel good enough.
‘Am I enough?’ can also mean ‘am I doing enough to meet the expectations I have of myself’.
I work with lots of ‘self-critical over-achievers’ who would only really think perfection was ‘enough’. And the problem with perfection is that it’s very hard to attain or sustain day after day, year after year in every aspect of your life.
So this question ‘am I enough’ - how to answer it?
Personally, I don’t think hundreds of social media posts just telling you ‘you are enough’ is going to cut it. Because YOU have to believe it rather than relying on someone else to tell you.
How do you do that? Well this is how I recommend you start. Ask yourself:
What does “enough” mean to me?’ And get clarity on what you are really talking about.
What would my life look like if I felt 100% “enough”?
How much is down to my internal expectations or down to external expectations? Separate it out.
What do I actually want?
What is possible to achieve, given the hours in the day, the time I have and the energy I have?
How do I want to use my energy wisely?
How will I know if I am “enough”
Okay, so that’s your starter for 10. Do the work, it’s worth it.
As I always say Being Fearlessly You takes work. But it’s worth it.
See you next week.
Tracy
