How Not to Be a Wallflower in a Meeting
Do you often feel like you are a bit of a wallflower in meetings?
What I mean is, rarely saying anything, being scared to ask a question or raise a point in case you are wrong? Are you held back by a fear of looking stupid? Do you then feel stupid for not saying anything?
Well, fear not, you are most definitely not alone! This topic comes up so much in coaching.
Why does it matter? Well, if you, like most people, want to create a positive impact, be heard, be seen, and be recognised for the good you do, then you can’t be that wallflower.
You have to be seen and heard and contributing to the conversation, the debate, and the discussion in meetings is an important part of delivering and showing value.
So if you find it hard, here are some ideas that I encourage you to try.
Go prepared with some ice-breaker comments for when you arrive. This can be anything - something you’ve seen in the news, the watercooler moment everyone’s talking about, a congratulations to someone else on the team for an award or achievement they’ve received. Something!
Get yourself on the agenda in advance. Offer to present something from your department or put a discussion topic on the table that you prepare for and present. This way, you know in advance the points you want to make and feel confident in your knowledge.
Asking questions is the easiest way not to be a wallflower. Ask for clarification or ask a supplementary question for clarity, greater understanding, for added depth. Asking a question won’t make you look stupid, it will make you look interested and engaged.
Support others or underline the point they are making. This is so easy too. Something as simple as, ’that’s such a good point, Bob, I totally agree because…’ is so easy plus it’s a generous and collegiate thing to do.
If you don’t agree with something but aren’t 100% sure you are right, you can try saying, ‘One thing I’m thinking of and correct me if I’m wrong but...’ Or ‘just curious, have you thought about xxx, would that be a problem?’
In the same way you had an ice-breaker, think of a closer, something to end on. This might be, ‘would love to find out more / discuss more, how about a coffee / follow up’. Or it might be something more sociable like, ‘has everyone entered the Secret Santa’. Anything!
My final note is the rule of thumb I have. If you feel like you are a wallflower and want to change that, challenge yourself to speak at least once for every ten minutes of the meeting. So if it’s a 30-minute meeting, speak a minimum of 3 times. If it’s 60 minutes, then it’s 6 times minimum. It really does get easier the more you do it.
Okay, I hope that helps! As I say, it’s a topic that comes up often and I know these techniques have worked, so give it a go.
Be fearlessly you. It takes work, and this is some of it, but it’s totally worth it!
Tracy
