What to say when you don’t know what to say

It’s such a distressing time in the news at the moment and it’s unfortunately going to be distressing for quite a while. At times, I’ve felt doubt about having the right words or knowing exactly what to say or do. Asking myself, is it my place, will I say the wrong thing, will I offend etc, etc

I also read an article by the actor Richard E Grant who said that since he’d been widowed, he found that many of his friends avoided him or blanked him, perhaps because they didn’t know what to say or do, now that he was alone.

I remember as a teenager, my friend’s dad died and I didn’t know what to say. So, to my everlasting shame, I didn’t say anything.

I think no matter what the situation, if you care about someone - no matter the right or wrongs - honour their humanity. If you are feeling you want or should say something then it’s probably your underlying values speaking.

It might be the simple fact that you would want to treat others as you would want to be treated. It might be because you care. It might be because you feel shame if you do nothing.
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So do or say something. No matter how awkward.

And if you don’t have the words, here are some that have helped me - either text, message, voice note, call, whatever:

"I am thinking of you and your family."

"I don’t know quite how to articulate what I am feeling, but I am thinking of you."
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"I am sending you my love."

"You are in my thoughts."

"I am here for you, I just don’t know how exactly or what would be helpful."

"Is there anything I can say or do?"
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"I care for you and what you are going through."

"I am so sorry for your loss / this horrible situation."

I hope that helps.

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​We are all joined by humanity. Be human.

Tracy