How to stop worrying about what people think of you

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they did.” 

So said Eleanor Roosevelt.  Wise words.  

We spend so much time worrying about what others think when the truth is they are probably more likely to be worrying about themselves than giving us a second thought.

Which brings me to another saying: 

‘Assumption is the mother of all mistakes’

(or you can insert an expletive here starting with F and ending with ‘ups’)

So worrying about what people are thinking is normally a waste of time because they probably aren’t and you’ve probably got the wrong idea about what they do think anyway.

 Why do we worry so much? 

I think it’s a few things mainly to do with external validation, being reliant on what others think about you to  maintain our sense of safety and self-worth.

For starters, most people want to belong.  They want to be accepted as part of a group, a family, a team, or a tribe. 

Then, of course, many people want to please, to help, to add value. 

And the third thing, is that, for most people, their sense of self-worth is wrapped up in being good, perfect, faultless, without blame. 

Sheesh, that’s HARD!

For the most part, I don’t really care what people think of me BUT I do care if they think I’ve put my foot in it, made a mistake, not been helpful. 

That really worries me. Why? 

Because I want so desperately to be helpful, to have positive action, to make lives better not worse.  That’s part of my identity.

How about you? 

What is it for you?

And what can you do about all this? 

1. The First Step

Be aware of how much do you worry about what others think of you.

What is it that you worry about? 

What’s the worst they could think of you? 

That really gives you massive clues as to what’s important to you.

2. Second Step

Work out how you want to be thought of. 

It’s normally the opposite of what you are really worried about. 

 So, me, for example, I want people to think I am empowering, that I give them useful tools and techniques to help them, that they trust that I understand what they are going through because of my own experience.

3. Third Step

Take charge of what people think about you! 

Decide on how you would like to be thought of in three words. 

For me, it’s “empowering, enlightening and life-enhancing”. 

 Look at what evidence there is in your actions, your work, how you communicate of those three words. 

If there is no evidence, start creating that evidence. 

Intentionally be those three words in everything you do, everything you say, with everyone you meet and soon enough the evidence will speak for itself. 

Having a clear idea of HOW you want to be thought of really boosts your confidence.

This is because instead of thinking, ‘do they think XYZ?

The question becomes, ‘have I done enough to think I am A B C? (the three words you’ve chosen’.

And instead of sitting there worrying, you can get on in action being those three words.

I’m going to finish with three words of advice:

Be Fearlessly You!

 (And if you don’t know how set up a discovery call - link on the website)

Take care

Tracy