Why Emotion at Work is Not Embarrassing
The Time I Cried On The CEO...
I remember one company I worked at wanted to have ‘an environment where people did their best work’. At the time I was a senior executive, managing a large team in a global matrix. At times it was difficult to get things over the line because of the amount of stakeholders. For someone who likes action and achievement, it was, at times, frustrating.
One time, I’d been trying to get a decision and clarity about a strategy I wanted to pursue but, because of the amount of people needed to sign it off, I felt like I was being pushed from pillar to post. (Please note, this might have been my shortcomings rather than a criticism of the company!) Eventually, I said to my direct boss ‘I don’t think I’m in an environment where I can do my best work’. The CEO heard about this and, to his credit, cared enough to ask me to go and talk to him about it. I was a bit nervous about discussing it with him, I didn’t want to appear like either I couldn’t manage or that I was moaning, but the offer was there so I went.
About one minute into the conversation with him I burst into tears.
To the CEO’s credit, he took it in his stride and said to me it was completely fine. So through my tears and my squeaky voice I explained what was going on and how unhappy I was. We discussed, things were put into place, a decision was made and, in due course, I got clarity. It wasn’t the answer I wanted but at least I knew where I stood and I was able to move on.
Did I feel embarrassed about crying in a one-to-one meeting with my CEO? Actually, no. Partly because he didn’t make a big deal out of it, so there was no awkwardness there and partly because I know that the outburst was caused by extreme frustration, not weakness. It wasn’t because I was incapable, I was at the end of my tether. And I really, really cared.
So this is why I think emotion at work is not embarrassing:
Emotion is often a sign that you care. Passionately. You care so much about doing an excellent job that if you can’t do that, it’s maddening.
Emotion, like being tearful, is often an expression of deep frustration and anger. Not weakness.
Emotion is authentic. It’s an expression of what is really going on inside. Most people try to button up their emotions but the body and face work independently sometimes and reveal what’s going on anyway!
As a leader, I believe we have to create an environment where people can express themselves openly and honestly. And if that means crying tears of frustration in a meeting with your boss then so be it.
For too long, women (in particular) have been silenced with ‘oh you’re so emotional’ to a point where many are worried about ever showing any ‘ugly’ emotion like anger, frustration or disappointment but I think that it’s time for that to end.
I see my role as a leader including facilitating and allowing people to process their thoughts, worries and problems. If someone cries on me, I encourage them to let it all out. I think it’s good for the body to release that frustration. It feels good to have a good cry, doesn’t it? It’s the body’s way of relieving pent up emotion and tension. Plus, the relief afterwards of getting something off your chest and being honest and out in the open is often just so sweet.
I read a quote today ‘making someone laugh after they’ve just finished crying is one of the most beautiful things to ever exist’ (credit: @dj_fattony_). In my case, I’m not sure the CEO made me laugh but by allowing me to express my emotion in a non-judgemental way, he certainly made me feel good.
Thoughts? I would love to hear what you think.
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