Two Ears, One Mouth: Listen More, Pontificate Less

I’m not sure if you were ever told when you were a kid that you had two ears and one mouth, which meant you ought to be quiet.

I think this saying hailed from the Victorian ethos that ‘children should be seen and not heard’. It may not be such an apt saying for child-raising, but I do think it has fantastic application when it comes to leadership.

Recently, I was with the CEO of a big organisation. She was asked what leadership skill she used most in her very, very big job. She said, ‘Listening, I spend a lot of my time listening.’ That was the number one thing she practised.

Of course, as CEO of an organisation these days, it’s unlikely you can know every little detail about every line of business, and you need to be able to listen to digest information and opinions to help you make informed decisions.

But it goes beyond being a CEO. Listening as a leader is a core skill to be honed.​
​

I’m a massive fan of Steven Covey and his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His fifth habit is ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’

How do you do that? Well, you have to ask open-ended questions and listen!

There’s a key distinction in listening:

You can either listen to respond, which means you are just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say your bit, or worse, talk over them and interrupt them.

OR you can listen to understand and listen without interruption, only asking supplementary questions that deepen your understanding of what they are saying.
​

If you want to be an empathetic, inclusive leader and really understand a multi-generational workforce that may have very different views and perspectives from you, you need to be able to listen without judgment. Listen to understand.

Personally, I learn so much from Gen Z and Gen Alpha. And yes, they may learn from my ‘worldly’ wisdom, but in many senses, I suspect I will probably learn more from them about how things work in the future.

So my invitation this week is to remember: two ears, one mouth and try listening twice as much as you talk.​
​

1 - Ask open-ended questions (that can’t be answered with a yes or no), e.g. What, how, tell me more…

2 - Listen to understand and ask supplementary questions. See how far you can get in a conversation without giving your own opinion.

3 - Listen not only to the words but also to the tone, body language and use your intuition about what is not being said and what else is in the ether.

4 - Finally, remember the other old saying and don’t be, ‘the empty vessel making the most sound’.

Happy listening!

Tracy